CNN: No More Tequila on the Clock

But the newsroom's looking more like a cabaret

He’s spilling the tea and a whole lot of gin

While the suits in the back wonder where to begin

It was fun for a minute, the ratings were high

But the anchor is blurry and the network is dry

Oh, Andy, put the bottle down

You’re the king of gossip but the newsroom’s a town

That doesn't want the drama or the midnight slur

Just a little less tequila and a lot more blur

From the Bravo clubhouse to the Times Square stage

They’re ready to turn the final page

He’s roasting the mayors and the rivals too

While Anderson’s giggling like he’s got nothing to do

But the memo is out and the vibe is getting cold

The 'embarrassment' narrative is taking hold

You can’t be the face of the hard-hitting facts

When you’re doing shots and losing your tracks

Is it a party or a press release?

When does the midnight madness cease?

They want the prestige, they want the crown

But they’re tired of the circus coming to town

One more toast for the road, my friend

Before the broadcast meets a bitter end

Check the teleprompter, check your glass

Some things are too messy to let 'em pass

Keep the Housewives, lose the news

CNN’s got those morning-after blues

Yeah, they’ve got those hungover blues.